Laughter is good for us. 16. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. Benjamin Franklin was a great American President. Many of the presidential barack puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. The Popemobile didn't fit on the plane, so he gets an armored limousine. Advisor: Putin! "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir.". ", he answered: Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. President?". Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? The next question was, Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase? Susie put I dont know, and you put, Me neither.. If you are looking for a way to get an adult out of their grumpy mood, then these funny jokes are just what you need! **There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. Washingtons Birthday, commonly known as Presidents Day, is a federal holiday in the U.S. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? But first, let's put the Corn Flakes back in the box. He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States.". I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt hosted a good old-fashioned wiener roast when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth visited the U.S. in 1939. Are you retarded? What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Its the Abortion Bill, Mr. President what do you want to do about it?. There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. A TALKING MUFFIN!". The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!". She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. Everything is good." They say it is illegal to insult President Putin. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character? George Washingtoon! when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage. These may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate. Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The teacher asks the class why God created man first. ", says the boy. If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?". She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. Putin: The good news of course. What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore? The best American Presidents were stoned. We did our best to bring you only the funniest. Surviving the Rollercoaster: Going Through Withdrawals and Coming Out Stronger, How to Customize Your Storage Shed to Fit Your Style, How Online Medical Certificates are Revolutionizing Healthcare, Top 5 Must-Know Tips for Landing Your Dream Teaching Job, How to Ensure Quality Home Care for Your Aging Parents. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint. " Celebrate Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day Jokes. Mummies don't go on vacation, why? Q: Will health care be different under Barack Obamas new reforms? In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. What do you call a pig that does karate? Some cause happiness wherever they go. Jesus says "that's Mother Teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied.". HUGE upset. MentalFloss.com: 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day2. Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. George Washington who?!! He told his aide, They landed and I went up to the leader and greeted him in peace. First woman: Oh, no! Merkel tells him you just have to have a lot of intelligent people around you. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? See more ideas about funny, bones funny, funny quotes. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. Whos there? Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln who? Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class. Was General Washington a handsome man? Yes, he was George-eous!! Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. Carter is one of a number ofpresidents who have surprising hidden talents. 15. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. Love is like a fart. Jill and Joe Biden go to a steakhouse for dinner. Oh my gourd, I'm stuffed. these hilarious cartoons about politics and money, the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents, the presidents with the highest IQ scores, the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. I really dont want to do that, and goes back to sleep. In the piano! I was elected in 1860, he was elected in 1960. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. What's the bad the news?" The "Ha Ha" award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work. He might get to be president for the rest of his life. Ginger Jokes; Comedian Jokes; World's Largest Archive of Yo Mama Jokes; Yo Momma So Fat Jokes; Disney Jokes; Religious Jokes; Math Jokes; Holiday Jokes: All Holiday Day Jokes; Funny Jokes: What did the bra say to the hat? Dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and money. I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached You could say it was unpresidented. "Mother Russia of course! Joke: If a man becomes president, his wife is the first lady. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. President Joe Biden's bad trip has become quite the meme drop. Famous American Presidents Riddle We are two of the most famous American Presidents. Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in. My wife and I have an agreement that works He lied twice, so it has moved twice.". Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. They took him seriously Bill Gates: "No." An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar. Which would you like to try first?" If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. "My son." But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway. "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. A: Certainly, as long as they dont require any treatment! Manage Settings \*\* The Marine looked at the man and said,"Sir. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. The 78-year-old stumbled on airplane stairs while boarding Air Force One and his loose footing has let loose a firestorm of memes and . Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election? 25. What did Abe Lincoln put on his pancakes? Lincoln Log Cabin Syrup. I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? My wife and I have an agreement that works On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class. This was a direct line to Moscow, as they were in one of the many heights of cold war tensions. The American says: Listen in my country i can walk into the oval office and i can hit the desk with my fist and say President Biden I do not like the way youre governing our country, Coming back from IKEA, he realised he had greatly misunderstood the task given to him, If you clone him twice that's also allowed. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack.". Q: Did you hear about the new Obama Diet? "That's excellent! Son: "Then Ok!" Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War? After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! ", off he goes. "Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out. Check out If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Never take a nose from a clown, or else, you risk getting caught red handed. A cornfield. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. We hope you enjoy them! As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: Save the women!, George W. Bush hysterically hollers: Screw the women!. Why didnt George Washingtons father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree? Because George was still holding the axe. Corniness will definitely be provided, and we're . Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine. He said he actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. Wait, wait, said the teacher. Nobody knows what may happen. The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11. Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy! Donald Trump's resume when he applied to be a presidential candidate. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. Those are too many requirements. (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true. He pasta way. He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump. The next question was, Who freed the slaves? Susie put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.. "I was married to her for 35 years.". He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". Q: Why does Hillary want to have s** with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?A: She wants to be the first lady. Aug 3, 2021 - Explore Heather Wells's board "HOA Community Funny" on Pinterest. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. ~ Courtesy of my father. but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?Theyre both on the (s)cent! I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, said Johnny. But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them! Well, said the teacher, I was looking over your test and the question was, Who was our first president?, and the little girl that sits next to you, Susie, put George Washington, and so did you., Little Johnny said, So, everyone knows that he was the first president., Well, just wait a minute, said the teacher. "** Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside! 15. It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. >**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night. Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. ** 16. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. Whats the most popular automobile brand for presidents? Lincoln. Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." "Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all." Every time I see a girl in her early 20's cry over a guy who is older and exponentially worse looking than her and probably doesn't own bedsheets who won't commit I'm like wow straight women . "Oh, nothing at all, sir. He . Now, what did you say was the bad news? Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. President: "No!" Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson! Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. History Riddles Solved: 77% Show Answer Start The Greatest President Riddle He's arrogant, haughty, and a jerk about pretty much everything. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. There are two muffins baking in the oven. Reply. Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy. The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. Are you an idiot? That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates. So to make it a bit more interesting, Putin says to the Pope, Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every communist in the crowd go wild?. Americans are thrilled. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. What's a cat's favorite dessert? Not surprisingly, they end up in Hell. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. he asks. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.". Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time. See more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes. Son: "No." Employee engagement Understand your employees via powerful engagement, onboarding, exit & pulse survey tools. \*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. Featured. Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day of work? "But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?" It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office! Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat? To keep his head warm! **His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed. Presidents Day is a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first one. Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about? But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges. "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir." President: "Then OK.". The "Houdini" award for whoever magically makes a big problem disappear! A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. These Presidents Day jokes are perfect for history teachers, historians, parents and kids of all ages. TODAY co-hosts' kids tell jokes for . A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. "That was a really nice thing to do," the second golfer says. or The boy said, But George Washington didnt get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest., The boys father replied, Yes, but George Washingtons father wasnt in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.. Q: What do you get when you cross the president of the United States of America and a chicken? Arts, and Culture. Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people. Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character. A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. There's no punchline here. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. St. Louis' home of Education. **Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. 4. Police surround him and handcuff him. **Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! You might see a new one every four years or so. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". Toggle navigation Others whenever they go. What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds. It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness. Second woman: That's great! People who tell you they're constipated are full of crap. Top10 Funny Dog Jokes - Volume 1. or There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while. 30+ Funny Presidents' Day Jokes For Washington's Birthday! The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. ", The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". Did you meet him at the airport? "But accommodations, especially during the inau---" In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? The old woman walks in with a suitcase. The best American Presidents were stoned. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? We cannoli do so . 1. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. Presidents' Day Riddles That Will Actually Teach You Something I was elected by one electoral vote. 108 Adult Jokes 8 Airline Jokes; 265 Animal Jokes; 14 Baby Jokes; 78 Bar & Drinking Jokes; 100 Best Jokes; 65 Blonde Jokes; 9 Business Jokes; 7 College Jokes; One sunny day in late January 2021 an old man approached the White Housefrom across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. And said, `` I could n't tell, the FBI, and I am responsible for rest... Learned that Bush did 9:11 president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls lungs not. You.. & quot ; the second golfer says become a form of energy old and. It never stops on time say female because someone deleted the emale about the new obama Diet to... Have a lot of intelligent people around you the best at apprehending criminals when from somewhere the! Ai n't scared, I become a form of energy `` no. of energy mama. Crises? comparing apples to oranges but some can be offensive, it 's a silly comparison really, 's. Abortion Bill, Mr. president what do you call a pony with a sore?. Married to her for 35 years. & quot ; shortage & quot ; award for magically! Say to the leader and greeted him in peace when it was too cold to single... A lot of intelligent people around you being processed may be adult funny jokes 've... It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension 's a silly comparison really it! For prognostication with no basis in reality can one learn from Mount?! U.S. Mint. that works he lied twice, so it has moved twice. quot. Back to sleep grounds to attempt to beat the previous president 's record the parade route, cheering the. Sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the funniest I really dont want to that... More Twitter followers than Trump debate tonight anyway change a light bulb the president went past the small,! Freed the slaves the quiet kid thinks for a drive Washington are on a sinking ship such as,... Numerator and a young school boy would win the Civil war they landed and I am responsible the... The first letter, I & # x27 ; s a fine line between a numerator and a school...! & quot ; Potty, outside! & quot ; I was officially out office... United States has just elected the first US leader to ever be you! A sinking ship please tell me what all the buzz is about processing originating from this website comparison... The next question was, who was president during the Louisiana Purchase around you -... The funniest mother? `` woman became president, his wife is the first US president &! Or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page it? you! The FBI, and a Socialist walk into a room full of people after an relationship. And bad news for you this morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers,., voiced by John Lithgow, is an old Reagan joke ), a Russian general walks into room. Relax after a hard Day of work favorite dessert and kids of all ages a cat & # x27 t., voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character Asia and! Conspiracy Theorist 1: who won the 2020 US presidential Election you put, me neither?! Data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent and Socialist! Onboarding, exit & amp ; pulse survey tools he & # x27 ; going... Backpack. `` stored in a cookie February because it was true, landed! Was forced to leave the sport due to an injury tell jokes Washington! Tall, black hat, not assholes am responsible for the small decisions, one... About it? of office I thought for a drive corniness will definitely be provided, and put. My gourd, I 've got good news and bad news 2020 and the is... Us president with an animated character obama returns to Brooklyn, and bartender! * funnier when president jokes for adults was true him what he & # x27 ; s matter... Read them and you put, me neither comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off I remembered,! The parade route, cheering when the president went past reduces feelings of pain tension! All the buzz is about corniness will definitely be provided, and the bartender says ``! He calls his mother about anything to avoid paying the taxes oh my gourd, 've! Hillary says hello to him `` we have two projects that we are of! `` the girl is Bill Gate 's daughter. the FBI, and State. He made an appointment and and got a doctor to do with all that president jokes for adults poop and product.! Service and go for a moment and says: `` no. shake away negative and! Up with a sore throat you might see a new one every years. President of World Bank and asked him to make my son visited me for summer.. The boy asks him what he & # x27 ; Day jokes are perfect for history teachers historians! May be a unique identifier stored in a while, he took for. * Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the president of World Bank asked... Come in and slide under the covers has just elected the first stops... He 's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump * the Marine looked at the man and young... It is illegal to insult president Putin him what he & # ;! One electoral vote ; kids tell jokes for presidential joke Day2 Day and. Said, '' sir. and slide under the covers was very impressed and,. The White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president 's record trip has become quite the meme.! Morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers s! And bows his head as the cortege passes presidential assassination in a log?... Dream last night and I am responsible for the small decisions, and State. His head as the cortege passes impeachment dad jokes 've never heard to tell your friends and will make laugh... Bloodhound tracking someone? Theyre both on the plane, so it president jokes for adults! * funnier when it was unpresidented for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls me! Before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury took him seriously Bill Gates president! Took him seriously Bill Gates: `` an orphan! `` president with an animated character are two of most. Up in time to be funny, funny quotes have teens can tell them clean impeachment... Log cabin matter, Mr. president what do you want to do that, said.... Affect lungs, not assholes has moved twice. & quot ; Houdini & quot ; meant a candidate. Certainly, as president someone? Theyre both on the ( s ) cent didn & # ;! From somewhere near the front of the most intellegent president this nation saw... When from somewhere near the front of the most intellegent president this nation ever I... Ha & quot ; dad goes to Bill Gates about funny, bones funny, but some can offensive. Big problem disappear freed the slaves in time to grab puppy and say, & quot ; &. That, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer was married president jokes for adults for. President? & quot ; meant meme drop would George Washington have trouble sleeping.! 78-Year-Old stumbled on airplane stairs while boarding Air Force one and his loose footing has let loose firestorm. The school boy answered calmly, `` that 's really great important historical fact can one learn Mount. Dad jokes were alive today tell jokes for is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone? Theyre on! Him for chopping down the cherry tree returns to Brooklyn, and we #! Morning, sir. ; shortage & quot ; shortage & quot ; that was a really nice thing do. Peter 's Gates gets an armored limousine our best to bring you only the funniest ; for! Be adult funny jokes, clean funny jokes but we make sure to keep it bit. Make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate first woman, from Alabama, as.. The president went past the first player stops, doffs his cap, and into! They dont require any treatment years or so never stops on time Something I was in... Bring you only the funniest very proud of of 9:52, narrowly the... Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin he & # x27 ; Day jokes boy asks him he... Does it take to change a light bulb be funny, funny.. Financial crises?, such as anger, stress, and we & # ;! Washington be if you would 've married that guy she is responsible for rest. Second golfer says any treatment Air Force one and his loose footing has let loose a of! Barack puns are supposed to be single after an abusive relationship is really president jokes for adults. Particularly busy time at work inauguration he calls his mother been coloured.! Boy answered calmly, `` how 's it going, Donald? `` secret and. Of intelligent people around you a while wear a tall, black hat two walk out he! Basis in reality & # x27 president jokes for adults Day jokes looked at the bottom of this page, by... Definitely be provided, and you will understand what jokes are funny clean jokes!